November 26th, 2005

the power of lip balms and face powders

since the start of the second sem, for some unclear reasons, i've decided to make myself more "presentable." not that i was dugyutin before-- well, at least i think i wasn't-- but i just didn't make such a fuss with how i look (because i believed that real beauty is effortless...kidding! i just didn't feel like doing so)

anyways, because of that decision, i've been receiving quite a handful of compliments, which is becoming too embarrassing for me already. Most of them would ask why i was blooming. someone even teased, "my boyfriend ka na noh! o siguro my crush ka kaya charming ka ngayon!" another friend even tried to guess who he is, assuming that there must be some motivation to this sudden "metamorphosis." still another joked, "anong nangyari sa yo nung sembreak at nglalandi ka na ngayon?”

no, i didn't take any drastic measures...for crying out loud, i just decided to put some powder in my face and apply lip balm and comb my hair more often than i used to...(I used to be too preoccupied to do these things regularly...hah) was it really so different??? somebody please explain this phenomenon to my academic-battered brain. =b

we sure live in a crazy world. imagine if i push this one step further and decide to wear make-up! hahahahaha =D (emphasis on the word "imagine")

Posted by tina_tan at 01:48 AM | 3 sang for me

October 26th, 2005

lost my passion to play

I’ve not been very enthusiastic about playing the cello during the past months. Maybe the fact that I’ve broken two good strings in just a few months since I’ve started playing has given me the frustrating feeling that perhaps, this instrument is not for me.

Thus I’ve replaced the two strings with cheaper ones because I don’t want to spend too much on it anymore, considering the fact that I have just bought the cello a few months ago and that in itself was already a big investment for me. It would probably have been okay if I’m already good at playing it, but no—I’ve barely started (of course my teacher and family would say otherwise— they told me I got the hang of it in such a short time. But even if it were true, all the more I become disappointed because my “progress” had to stop.) Anyways, my teacher said that there’s really no problem with the strings I bought, but by then my passion to learn has been drained by the “roadblocks” that I had to face so early.

And so it’s very seldom nowadays to find myself driven to play. And this afternoon was one of those rare occasions. And so there I was, excited to play again. As I took him out of his case I noticed that one of the strings had loosened again. Shoot. He’s out of tune again. I dread having to tune the strings, because I’ve already been traumatized after hearing too many snapping sounds caused by broken ones. And it’s so terribly difficult to tune the replacements I’ve bought. They’re just too…stubborn. They wouldn’t stay in place. Grr. As it turned out, all the strings were out of tune. Maybe because of the heat? I don’t really care. I attempted to tune them for awhile, but I had no patience. I placed him back inside his case, and played the piano instead.

A lot of thoughts were whirling inside my head while I was so desperately trying to tune the strings. Is this really for me? Why does this have to have to cause stress?...It was supposed to be my outlet for crying out loud. Should I just sell this thing and buy another instrument- something more portable, like a flute? Or a violin? Or should I just improve on my piano and guitar-playing?

 A few weeks or months ago, I wouldn’t have dared ask myself those questions. It just seemed too wimpy to give up this early. But right now, I’m just too annoyed to even think about whether or not I’ve been impulsive (again) for choosing this instrument in the first place. Arrrggghhh!!!

And then, I hear that melancholic singing of a cello in the background of a song I’ve intentionally listened to to try convincing myself again that it’s just too beautiful to be given up. <sigh> why did I have to fall in  love with that sound?

Maybe, I should be a little more patient.

But then, I know that I can’t afford that patience. Maybe I should just play around with the violin/cello effects in the keyboards whenever I feel the urge to “make” depressing music. Or better yet, I could just be satisfied with listening to someone else’s playing. 

Currently reading: Don't Waste Your Life
Currently feeling: frustrated
Posted by tina_tan at 08:09 PM | 5 sang for me

October 23rd, 2005

reCounting memories

Last night (oct21) Mama & I attended the 10th year anniversary celebration of MTG (Mathematics Trainers Guild) at the Century Park Hotel. We didn’t have any plans of going (the ticket was rather expensive and I wasn’t really that eager to go), but since the organizers gave us complimentary tickets (I guess they really wanted everyone to be there) and my friends said they were going (I found this out through mama …hehe, our moms get to talk to each other more often than we get to talk to each other), I decided to attend.

I never considered myself to be really intimately “attached” with the organization, though I do have friends there— now that I think about it, maybe it’s because I didn’t really enjoy math per se, though I did pretty well in that field.  Also, MTG had earned a bad connotation in my vocabulary since it “stole” most of my Saturday mornings from me during my elementary years (in high school this has become a privilege because I get to be exempted from PE and CAT), as well as some of my summer vacations (we have a week of in-house intensive training and then everyday training for the rest of the summer if one gets chosen to be one of the country’s representatives in international competitions.) There were even years when I “rebelled” and chose to attend our church’s summer conferences over the in-house training (come on, like anyone would prefer to endure a week of math training, morning till evening, if you could instead enjoy a week of games, seminars, singing, workshops, and other fun stuff…unless solving math problems is your hobby, or your parents have blackmailed you into doing so, or you know your crush would be there too..?) Of course there were consequences to my rebellion— I missed out on the opportunity to go abroad, enjoy the sights and company of friends, and compete during our extra time, haha. (ok, before you start thinking about pursuing a career in such competitions, I think you ought to know that our government does not have funds for this, so you have to finance your own expenses, unless you’re from one of those very supportive schools who pay for everything and even give you pocket money. This was another reason why I wasn’t so enthusiastic about it, because I don’t want my parents to worry about where they’re going to get money to support my “career.”) also, I lagged behind while everyone else improved their skills.

It was a surreal experience. There were so many old, familiar faces (at first I can’t even put a name on many of them), most of which I haven’t seen for at least three years, and almost all of whom are calling me by the name Kristine (I am known by that name in MTG because I have a batchmate named Tina; also, when I was younger I was not used to introducing myself by my nickname…very few call me Kristine nowadays.) It brought back so many memories— that of exhausting trainings (wherein only the few blessed dedicated ones would listen and solve while the rest would pretend to do so); the sleepless nights we had shared after the trainings playing killer, truth or consequence, pusoy dos (it was in MTG that I’ve learned to play card games aside from Monkey-monkey), or whatever game we could think of; our wonderful trips abroad, and the stupid feeling many of us feel after the contest questions are handed out; and our chance to kick each other’s asses when we meet during local interschool competitions. Of course, there were also those juicy rumors about who likes who, and being one of the very few girls who get to enter this boys’ world of numbers, I got linked to no less than three people. (which never fails to bring out my taray attitude…tsk tsk… i’m just not good at handling this sort of things…)

But a lot of things have changed.  All of us totoy’s and nene’s have grown up a little bit now— more mature-looking faces (some fortunate ones have even grown taller) replaced the carefree and sometimes mischievous expressions we used to carry around. Most of the kids who used to have smooth-sailing academic careers have now learned what it means to struggle for a decent, or at least, passing grade, thanks to college; though as always, there are still some aliens who manage to stay on top (you know who you are, haha.) As expected, most of them pursued a career involving math (e.g. Engineering, Accounting/Finance, Computer Science, Physics, or just plain, hard-core Math.) And the past love-team issues which used to annoy me at times (because it involved me and I used to be pikon, hehe) are now but hilarious memories.

The funny thing about the event is that noone seemed to listen to the many speakers they invited. The parents were busy updating each other on what has happened to their children, while the students have their own conversations, talking about anything and everything. (There were table assignments that separated the parents from the students and the students according to the different batches. Sadly, the girls’ table— take note, they got to fit all the girls of around four batches in one table, while the guys had to be separated into many tables because there were too many of them—  was very far from that of the guys, and so we didn’t get to talk to most of them that much. Thankfully, my closest friends were in the same table with me...hi mikki, tina, and abi!) It was a riot—imagine hundreds of people who haven’t seen each other for a long time gathered together in one place. How I wish there was more time for this riot.

I didn’t expect that I would enjoy the party this much. It was only then that I realized that I actually miss these people, that even if I didn’t get to know most of them well in the past, they have been part of my life, and that’s what makes them so precious. 


 

Currently listening to: Dishwalla
Currently feeling: nostalgic
Posted by tina_tan at 12:04 AM | 4 sang for me

October 20th, 2005

la la la

Pumunta akong school kanina para sa research namin. 7 ako nagpagising pero tumawad ako hanggang 730, tapos nung 730 na hindi pa rin ako makabangon, nakalimang ulit na siguro akong ginising (o higit pa) bago ako tumayo (pinagagalitan na kasi ako, hehe). hindi kasi ako makatulog kagabi, pano nasanay na akong matulog ng 2am or later (ay, kahit may pasok rin pala, haaayyy), tapos may mga nangungulit pang kung aanu-ano sa isipan ko.  Ang bagal ko pang kumilos at nakailang-palit ng damit at sapatos nago nakaalis ng bahay. Alas-10 na ata ako nakaalis e.
 
Pagpunta ko sa biochem bldg, sarado yung lab na kailangan kong pagtanungan. Nag-ikot-ikot muna ako kung san-san at nung 1130 na bumalik ako. Nung palapit na ako dun sa lab nagtaka yung security guard, nalampasan ko na kasi yung lab na hinahanap ko. Yun pala maling lab yung chineck ko nung unang beses. Ang weird kasi nakita ko naman na yung lab na yun dati (around 3 weeks ago?) ang bangag ko talaga.


12nn, pumunta akong Rob para imeet sina Bryan at Rykjem, HS buddies. Sabi ko sa Chef nalang magmeet. So nung dumating ako dun at wala pa sila, naglakad-lakad nalang ulit ako kung san-san hanggang sa magtext sila, ayoko kasing nag-aantay ng mag-isa. Chaka andami ring tao sa Chef. inaantay ko rin si Alainey, may ibibigay kasi ako sa kanya at sabi ko dun niya nalang ako puntahan. Nagtext si Rykjem (mga 20 mins na siguro akong nagliliwaliw by this time), sa Chicken Bacolod nalang daw kami magkita. So pumunta ako dun. Sa layo ng tingin ko hindi ko napansin na nakatayo na pala silang 2 sa harap ko, at kung hindi pa nila ako tinawag, dire-diretso pa siguro ako sa paghahanap.  Yun pala, hindi maintindihan ni rykjem yung sinabi ko sa phone kaya dun nalang sila nag-antay. Tinext ko si Alain na dun nalang magmeet. Tapos hindi pala kami dun kakain. Haha. So lakad kami ng lakad, bumalik pa nga kami sa Chef pero sobrang dami pa ring tao, hanggang sa nakita ni Bry ang ad sa sahig ng rob na nagtuturo  papuntang sbarro, so dun nalang kami kumain, treat ni bry.(weeeeee, thanx Bry!) grabe, sobra nila akong binusog. Chaka humina na rin siguro ang appetite ko. Finally nakapagmeet na rin kami ni Alain at nabigay ko na yung 2weeks-belated bday present niya. Pagtapos kumain, naglakad-lakad kami (dahil walang maisipang gawin) hanggang sa naisipan nalang umuwi. Inaaya nila akong mgjam sa bahay ni bryan pero sabi ko uwi nalang ako.
      
Hinatid nila ako pauwi. Nakakahiya at nakakatawa pa kasi nagbiro pa ako na hindi ko alam ang daan pauwing bahay. Pero pagdating namin ng visayas ave. for some reason nadisorient na ako sa mga dinadaanan namin, so tinanong ko si bry kung familiar siya sa area, nakapunta na daw siya dun before. So naisip ko ok na. hanggang sa umabot na kami ng tandang sora market tas tinanong ako ni bry san daw liliko, nagfreak out ako kasi hindi ko alam! Akala ko kasi may iba siyang alam na daan so hinayaan ko lang. so umikot kami ulit, buti nafigure-out rin namin finally. Nalampasan pala namin yung 1 U-turn slot. 
Pagkarating namin ng bahay at nung nakababa na ako, sabi ko sa kanila balik nalang sila ulit pagkamagaling na akong mgcello para makatugtog ako para sa kanila. Ayun, pinatay ang makina ng kotse at bumaba sila, ngayon nalang daw. Siyempre ngfreak out na naman ako dahil makalat ang bahay. Dahil makulit talaga sila at hindi ko rin sila matiis nilabas ko nalang yung cello sa may terrace (?). Pinatugtog nila ako, wala naman akong matugtog. Hehe. naisipang hiramin ni rykjem yung gitara ko (master guitarist yang si rykjem!;) the best!), e kaysa naman ilabas ko na lahat ng gamit namin pinapasok ko na rin sila.  Kinanta nila yung mga songs (bry happens to be one of my favorite singers =D ) na kinakanta nila/namin dati nung HS sa classroom or corridors pagka walang magawa at sa likod ng bus pag papuntang Philam Life Auditorium para sa school play practices (nagwork kasi kami  backstage…aww memories) Dun ko lang nafeel kung gaano ko na sila kamiss, (pati na rin yung mga Incubus, Silverchair , at ibang alternative songs…mejo matagal na rin pala akong hindi nakikinig sa ganun…hindi kasi uso sa class namin nung college e.)…
 Ang galling, kahit parang iba-iba na ang ginagalawan naming mundo– (pati nga yung mga pinakikinggan naming music iba na rin eh- c bry, jazz; c rykjem, emo punk, ako, wala na. thanx to med. hahaha), pagkakinakanta/ tinutugtog namin yung mga gusto naming kanta dati, parang wala pa ring nabago. Parang HS pa rin—parang simple pa rin ang buhay. Hay. Nakakatuwang nakalulungkot. Kasi habang tumatagal, pakiramdam ko ay lalo nang mababawasan ang mga ganitong pagkakataon. Pero ok lang…alam ko namang nandiyan lang sila. (hmm, anong mga kanta na kaya ang kakantahin namin sa mga susunod na taon?)

Currently listening to: Silverchair
Currently feeling: sleepy
Posted by tina_tan at 10:13 PM | sing me ur song

October 16th, 2005

tick-tock, tick-tock

this was my supposed schedule yesterday:

7:30-1pm          Swimming ang lunch with HS friends

4-6pm               youth fellowship in church

6pm onwards    training for would-be-counselors (in church), OR

                          watch concert of my cello teacher's family.

BUT i wasn't able to go to any one of them.

hay, parang walang pinupuntahan yung time ko ngayong sembreak. everyday i wanna do a lot of things but i end up not doing most of them. nangyayari puro tulog nalang...parang ok lng naman siya at first kasi siyempre ilang months din akong kulang sa tulog, pero two weeks na rin akong bakasyon so by this time i should be doing something more fruitful. kanina naman pag-uwi ko from church naglunch lang tas natulog na ako, 5:30 na ako nagising! hay! ang hirap talagang disiplinahin ang sarili. =( pati nga exercise wala na, buong sem na nga akong nagpakasedentary, tas ngayong may chance na ayoko pa rin mg-unat. masyado ko na atang nainternalize ang typical "med" lifestyle. :O     

Currently feeling: frustrated
Posted by tina_tan at 06:21 PM | sing me ur song
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